A Goat, a Merwolf, and a Lovesick Vampire
by Bookworm1063
Summary: Baz is sick and tired of dealing with his roommate. And he's sick and tired of those merwolves. When one of the goats wanders too far from the barn, Baz ends up spilling his secrets to an unexpectedly sympathetic listener.


**Ebb**

One of the nannies had wandered too far.

That happens, sometimes. There's only two dozen or so in the herd, but even I lose one, occasionally.

The rest of the goats were safe in the barn, so I headed out to find the missing nanny. Which is how I ended up here, watching one of the students drain a Merwolf.

I know who it is, of course. Basilton Pitch. Simon's roommate. The number of times I've had to spell those two apart…

The nanny is here too, watching him. I ignore her. She'll make her own way back to the barn- I'm just making sure she didn't end up in the moat.

Basil finished draining the Merwolf, shoving the carcass away with a grimace. I can't imagine they taste very good.

"Mr. Pitch," I call out.

**Baz**

I should never have come here.

Out here, I mean. In the dead of night. But I needed to get away from Simon bloody Snow, and there was a Merwolf stranded on the shore of the moat.

Don't get me started on the Merwolves.

And now the goatherd sneaks up on me, and I don't even care, because _Fuck. My. Life._

Even though Snow will probably know what I am by dinnertime tomorrow. If he doesn't already.

"Mr. Pitch," the goatherd says. My aunt Fiona has talked about her. Ebb. Fiona never has anything good to say, but then, Fiona never has anything good to say about most people. So.

"If you tell anyone what you just saw," I start, but don't finish, because I have no idea what I'd say. And if I end up staked for it, at least I'll finally be done with Simon Snow.

"I won't," she says. "Are you ok, Basil?"

I'm so fucking tired. And desperate. And lonely- I'll admit it. I'm lonely. I have Dev and Niall, sure, but they don't really know. What I am. What I'm going through.

Not that the goatherd does either.

"I'm fine," I say. Shortly. Normally, I'd threaten her, or bribe her, or something, to make sure she keeps quiet, but I honestly just don't care. Lately I don't seem to care about much.

"I don't believe you," she says.

"Well, it's none of your business, is it?"

"No, it's not. But you look like you could use someone to listen. And I'm not a gossip."

I resist the urge to just turn away and run. Run where, I'm not sure. Not back to Mummer's House, where Snow is sleeping, with his sent like smoke and his bronze curls and those fucking gorgeous blue eyes.

Seriously, they were just _blue._ Nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Why do you care?" I ask. "You work at the Mage's school. I'm the Pitch heir. You're either gathering information for your master, or you're just morbidly curious."

"Neither," she says. "I owe your mother one. And if I can prevent another magician from going Nicky's way…" She sniffles, wiping her nose on her scarf. I don't know what any of that means. I want to ask about my mother, but I can feel the words- those damning words, the ones I've never said out loud, rising up my throat. So I shake my head, sigh, and for once, I don't swallow them back down.

"I'm in love with Simon Snow."

**Ebb**

Of course he is.

It makes so much sense.

**Baz**

I look over at the goatherd, and she's smiling. Not like she's laughing at me, though. Like she's won a bet.

"What?" I don't have the energy for this. I should just go back to my room, try to get some sleep. I shouldn't have said anything, I should have kept my secret until Snow sends me to an early grave. (Well. Another early grave.)

"That makes sense," Ebb says. "No one's that obsessed with a person just because they're annoying."

"He's not annoying," I counter. "He's _infuriating._ Impossible. Snow is a moron and a constant pain in my arse, and he's just… Crowley, I don't know. Fucking irresistible. Why am I telling you this again?"

"Because you're desperate," she says. "Have you talked to Simon about this?"

"Fuck no, and you're not going to, either. You're going to keep your mouth shut. I can't believe I just said all that."

Ebb shrugs again. "Like I said, Mr. Pitch. I'm not a gossip." I believe her.

"But you should talk to him," she adds. I sneer.

"And say what? _Hey, Simon, you know how we've been trying to kill each other for five years, and your mentor is trying to drive my family out of magic, and we're supposed to kill each other for real one day? Well, guess what? I'm completely mad for you, so let's just ignore all that and-"_

I break off, because I've had that conversation so many times in my head. It never ends well. "Crowley, Ebb. He hates me. You know that, right?"

"Course I know that," she says. "Keep having to spell you two apart, don't I? But you could try, you know. To make it work. Let him see the real you. Who knows? Maybe he'll feel the same way."

I shake my head. "He won't. He has a _girlfriend, _you know. I can't compete with Wellbelove- and I won't survive the rejection." I turn away. "Keep your mouth shut, Ebb." Then I run back toward Mummer's house.

**Ebb**

They'll work it out, those two. They don't need me to interfere.

I hope.

They're both stubborn as all hell; they'll work it out, but probably not for a while yet. Probably not for years, at this rate.

I didn't tell Basil that I see the way Simon looks at him, talks about him. Simon doesn't know it, but he feels the same way.

One of these days, they'll realize all this.

I might even live to see it.

**Simon**

In my dream, I'm at my leaver's ball- which isn't for another three years, so this is just how I imagine it, I guess.

The courtyard has been turned into a dance floor, and everyone's there. Agatha, in a stunning purple cocktail dress. Penelope, in her Watford skirt and a white blouse. I'm wearing a dark blue suit, and I know, in my dream, that I'm not wearing my cross. Which is weird, because even in dreams, I never take that cross off.

Anyway, the three of us, me, Penny, and Agatha, are standing at the foot of the stairs that lead down into the courtyard, and I'm really nervous for some reason. Anticipation curling in the pit of my stomach.

And then Baz appears.

Standing at the top of the stairs, wearing a black suit, his hair loose and falling in his face. He sees me and smiles- which has never happened in real life, I can promise you.

Baz comes down the stairs toward me, and then we're dancing. I'm not sure how, or why- I'm not sure why, in my dream, I'm at my leaver's ball with Baz and not Agatha, who's dancing with Penny on the other side of the courtyard.

In my dream, I really want him to kiss me.

And he does.

And the rest of the dream goes on like that- dancing and kissing and talking, mostly about Watford, because I have no idea what we'd talk about otherwise.

And then they start playing _Unconditionally _by Katy Perry, and Baz leans in close to me and whispers, "I love you, Simon Snow."

I say it back. Without hesitation. "I love you, Baz."

Then I wake up. Baz is on the other side of the room, fast asleep. I've never been more confused in my life. Why would I dream that? Why would I dream about dancing with Baz, kissing Baz, _loving _Baz?

I can't sort this out right now. I have no idea what the fuck is going on. Maybe Baz put some kind of spell on me- yeah, that must be it. A spell. I slump back on my pillows and fall asleep.

The next morning, I don't think about the dream. It became my policy, then- don't think about dreams. Mine never made any sense after that, anyway. That was my list of things not to think about, fifth year- Watford over the summer, and dreams.


End file.
